For some time now I have been wanting to do other things. I have been wanting to paint. Wanting to be able to be with Diego and not fight about trivialities but at the same time wanting to be able to tolerate him when he tells me things I dont like to hear. I guess I dont take criticism easily. Never have, I am a difficult perfect.

 

Sometimes I think too. What am I doing, why am I here? Is this what I should be doing or have I taken a mental leave of absence? What do I want for my life? To fade away into oblivion, known as "the girl who was good at rowing"? THe Queen of Puck? The daughter of Fergus and Delia Foley who went to Peru? What will I be known as now...how identity changes. I am the girlfriend of DIego Caceres, Ms Fiola, friend of Martina and Judith. I think Ive covered all the present labels. But Im no longer someone extraordinary. Im just another one of them. Ive joined their group when I couldnt beat it.

 

Im on my own. Diego is in the north. I am losing myself in cyber space and dont have the money to buy paints or the energy to set up my own space. Everything is so temporary even the idea that we are moving to another flat is temporary cause maybe we'll fight when he comes back and that will set plans back a little more.

 

Maybe I shoudl just suck it up and see how that goes. Just sometimes I cant. I ahve to bite back.

Im a biter, just lacking the bait.